I'll take the time.

Sometimes I think that just being grateful is the best thing you can do. Sometimes it's best to do this when you are really busy and don't have enough time to dedicate to yourself. Right now I'll be grateful for a few minutes and allow myself some quality me time before rushing off to the next thing. (Read: Bed)

In blogs past I've talked about my self loathing over the years. But that isn't what this is about. No, this is about self love.

Somewhere between this past winter and the summer I just sort of decided to stop not liking myself. It wasn't that my dislike for me was over the top or even noticeable to most people but it was something that needed improving. I worked it at. I really tried to become something like the person I really want to be. And then something magical happen and there I was. Happy with me.

I can't put my finger on what exactly made me have a change of heart. When I reflect on all the goodness of the past year and half I think it may have been a couple of things. My final and full switch to veganism (for my self, not ceasing the purchase of dairy products for my kid) and a belief that the person who claims to love me most in the world really does and for all the right reasons. This has brought the advent of self love upon me in a full and fantastic way.

Yea, I think I'm a good person but most people do. It isn't that hard to think you're nice or generous, in fact most people do when they in fact are not. But what I've finally learned to love is my skin. My outer self. The stuff I show to you. (Unless Dan is reading this and then the stuff I show to you takes on another meaning.)

What I mean is that I'm okay. I can see myself for what I am and be okay. Not in love all the time but always okay and never dwelling. I can see that I've got a curve to my hips and be okay. I can accept that I've had a baby and no amount of wishing is going to make that less obvious. Because I did. And what I have to show for that is proof that the most extraordinary thing ever happened to me. Not only can I give life but I can accept what giving life does. I can accept that I do, in fact, have an ass. And if I see myself and think "Ugh...." I just stop and walk away or tell myself that that negative isn't real and right away I'm okay again.

This is progress. This is the hope I have for my daughter, whose very life has given me scars. And do I care? No. That has a lot to do with my changing image of the world, what beauty is and those who love and desire me.

SO yea, there are things I want to be different. I want to exercise more because it's good for me and I want to challenge myself. But whatever that work yields me is not my goal right now. My goal is to remain healthy and aware of my own beauty and the beauty of others.