The end of an era.

Five more days of work spread across the next two weeks of my life and then I am done.

The surreal giddiness I'm feeling these days is, I am sure, what life is all about.

I've been a massage therapist for seven years, making it the only career I've ever had in my adult life. Sure, I worked other jobs but I was never able to stop doing massage entirely. Massage therapists live in world all of their own. Kind of like carnies, only we shower. We all want to help heal people but when it comes down to it we would really rather not take that last appointment. Doing massage is painful. That's about all there is to it. You never really know how much money you're going to make or if you'll be booked solid. It's a guessing game as much as it is anything. I've wanted to get out for years.

It was the wistful child in me that wanted to become a therapist in the first place. I was changing life paths and massage seemed like a good idea. I studied hard, graduated with an A and as speaker of my class and went on to hold many jobs in Flint, Chicago, Detroit - big cities where I made a big impact. I love that. I love that I've helped so many people. Only now things are different.

Ya see, I've always been the sort of girl that gives to others at the peril of myself. I'll give and give and give and be unhappy and then, just for good measure, I will give some more. My painful divorce followed by my happy reunion with my now husband changed all that. I still love to give but I do it within my means. If my husband has taught me anything it is that I am more valuable than I realize and I deserve happiness. Not "one day" happiness but NOW. And that is what I am doing. Right now. No more waiting.

So I get to stop working all together - a thing I have not done in years and years. I get to go pursue my dreams and my goals. I get to start using my mind more and my body less. I get to be happy and for the first time in my life, I don't have to feel guilty about that.

And now, as I sit here making a list of the things I want to do today, I have added one very special task. Take the massage books off the bookshelf, put them away in a box, and put my school books in their place. That's going to be a lot of books to put away.

I thought I wanted to have a party to celebrate my retirement but, no. This has been a long, arduous journey and I think the departing from this path should be done alone. I will take the Assosicated Bodywork and Massage Professional sticker off of my back windshield and replace it with a decal from my college. I'll make a list of all the things I can do now that I am not massaging anymore. #1. I can wear my wedding ring all the time. #2. I can stop buying economy sized advil. ;)

The dismount is so hard.