Yesterday, while at my sisters graduation, I made a little comment to my mom.
"Don't worry, when I graduate in two years I won't make you sit through this."
I thought it was funny as there was a lady speaking who was about as engaging as a box of rocks.
"Oh, yes you will." she replied. And I laughed a little and said, "No really. I don't like graduation ceremonies. No big deal." And she looked at me then as though I was an alien and said, "You wouldn't do that to me." And I looked at her as though she was my mother and said, "It isn't about you." She sat there for a moment, clearly trying to exhibit some authority and finally said, "I'm older. I win." I cocked my head to one side to reply. "It's my life. I win."
Obviously she was upset. The conversation didn't end there but what's the point of continuing? There was a lot of looking and cocking ones head to the side and debating.
My issue is twofold at this point.
1) My mother's favorite parenting tactic is guilt and when she cannot get her way she moves to threatening and finally she plays the victim. Another form of guilt. If we were raised Jewish I could maybe understand this. I get that my mom has been victimized a lot in her life but at some point you have to take hold of that pain by understanding it and changing it. She's never done this and so in her eyes every little offense is directed at her. What she cannot and will probably not ever understand is that it isn't up to her children to make her happy. It is up to her to seek only happiness for her children and feel the benefits.
2) Graduations are not fun. I don't have a problem if someone wants to partake. I'll go and support them. But for me, the LAST thing I want to do is go sit in an arena for three hours listening to boring people say boring things and watch a million other people walk on stage all so I can walk on stage for 15 seconds and have my family dimly yell, "Wooooo" at me.
Oh no no no. Let's just go to Bada West and eat hummus. I assure you this will please me much more. And guess what? It's about ME. And if you're graduating it's about YOU. And also you couldn't pay me to wear that hideous gown and cap combo. YIKES!
P.S. Why is there a benediction at a graduation ceremony? Why do they talk about God so much? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!
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What's worse: They make YOU pay to wear that cap and gown combo! No thanks. I hate graduations. I have never had one, and do not intend to.
ReplyDeleteOkay, well technically, I did have a high school graduation, but it was a hippy homeschoolers one, and it was awesome. So that doesn't count.
As far as the guilting goes, I think you have the right idea. Just because someone has implied you should feel guilty doesn't mean you have to.